They are wet dreams that should never end please. Because who doesn't like to have sex while sleeping? But there is also the kind of erotic dreams that can confuse a man quite a bit. For example, if in a dream you end up in bed with a person you don't really like, or with your best friend, or even with your boss, what does that mean?
We talked to sex and psychotherapist Diana Schiftan ("Coming Soon: Orgasm is a matter of practice", Piper Paperback, from Zurich spoke. She explains what's behind common sex dreams and gives valuable tips on how you can experience erotic dreams more often.
Are sex dreams normal?
"Yes," says sex therapist Diana Schiftan. "But we often have the urge to interpret these dreams. In the sense of: Am I normal or am I missing something?", she says. Instead, she says, you should look at hot dreams from a different angle: "Fantasies are something great. It is ingenious that our mind can be so inspired. You can also take dreams and fantasies for what they are, namely "just dreams". How to finally live out your sex fantasy.
I dream about having sex with other women: Am I dissatisfied in my partnership?
The expert gives the all-clear: "Sex dreams with other people primarily mean that you have more opportunities to be aroused than by your current partner. Few men dream about their partner, with whom they can finally have sex in reality. We all have more attraction codes than are combined in one person. It would be a shame if we were only aroused by our current partner," says Schiftan. Sex dreams with other women don't necessarily mean you're dissatisfied with sex with your partner.
The 9 most common sex dreams of men
I'm sure you agree: If you dream about sex, it's basically good. Because it means that you have a good ability to get aroused. What the 9 most common scenarios in sex dream can mean:
Sex dream #1: Sex with a stranger
You make love to a beautiful stranger on the beach or at the movies. "With sex dreams, you never know what comes first at night: the arousal or the image of an erotic scene. When the arousal first comes, the mind creates an image of it. Usually this ideal image is made up of certain attributes that you find attractive," says Schiftan.
Some men fantasize about women with faces, others have sex with a stranger without a face. "Then the mind focuses on certain attributes, such as large breasts or a particular butt shape," explains Schiftan. "The thrill is in just plucking a stranger off the street like that and not knowing if it's a good idea."Unlike in reality, however, you do not suffer any bad consequences in the dream – it doesn't get any better than that!
Sex dream #2: Sex with ex-girlfriend
You haven't thought about your ex for a long time and suddenly she appears in a sex dream – what's that about? "That's good," explains the sex therapist. "After all, for some reason you used to be with the partner and hopefully had good sexual experiences with her too. Why can't you just remember," asks Schiftan. That doesn't mean you long to get back with your ex-girlfriend: "After all, it's not an 'ex' without a reason. But it also means that not everything past must always be bad-mouthed at the ex-partner."
Sex dream #3: Sex with the supervisor
What if you suddenly dream about a hot night with a no-go woman, for example with the boss? "In the fantasy there are no no-goes," says Schiftan. "The boss is hierarchically superior to you, is a person of respect – here the attraction is in the forbidden and the idea of: What would happen if I really did it?", explains the therapist. "Some men also feel that their ego has been boosted because the boss has just chosen him to have a quickie – even if it's just in their mind," says the expert.
Sex dream #4: Sex with best friend
Oh dear, you suddenly dream about an erotic adventure with a close friend – is there something more than friendship between you? "First of all, it's a compliment to the girlfriend," said Schiftan. "Moreover, sex doesn't always have to do with love," explains the sex therapist: "Just because someone shows up in my sex dream doesn't mean I want to have a relationship with the person."
Sex dream #5: Sex with the enemy
"I can also find a person highly attractive the other way around, but not even likeable," Schiftan said. "Sometimes, however, people wake up after such a dream completely disturbed. You think, 'Oh God, what is wrong with me?'". The explanation is simple: "Arousal and excitement are often very close to each other. A person we hate just generates a lot of excitement in the body."
Sex dream #6: Sex with another man
You're heterosexual, but suddenly dream of having sex with a man? Don't worry, you don't have to have changed your sexual orientation overnight. Sex therapist Schiftan explains: "Such a dream is completely unproblematic. Homosexual dreams can mean man is coming to terms with his masculinity. Among women, cuddling and touching each other is socially accepted in reality, but when men do it, it's still wicked. Why actually? If you like your own penis, why should you not find another penis arousing?"
Sex dream #7: violent sex
You are actually into flower sex, but in your wet dreams you often go with a hard hand. "There are men who are unsettled by it. There are however also such, which can separate between fantasy and reality." It depends on the inner security, explains the expert. You can take the dreams as dreams you know you'll never realize. But you can also be unsettled by it.
"Crass fantasies heat up because we reject them," Schiftan explains. Means: the more you resolve to stop dreaming about one thing, the more often you dream about her. "You should try to look at your dreams more distantly. If they're a little weird, that's okay too," says Schiftan.
Sex dream #8: You're watching your partner with someone else
"Normally, such a dream shows the inner insecurity. Someone is worried that the partner could really cheat."But there are also men who find such a fantasy pleasurable. "But this does not necessarily mean that he wants her to cheat," explains Schiftan. Infidelity: confess or keep quiet?
Do I have to tell my partner about my sex dreams?
"It depends very much on the partnership. I have the right to keep my sexual fantasies to myself," Schiftan explains. "In some partnerships, however, there is a belief that they have to tell their partner everything," says the. "Man can tell each other if it helps to excite each other. If it is a game with each other," says the expert. But be sure to get your partner's permission so you don't hurt her.
Should I try to make my sex dreams come true?
"Caution!", warns Schiftan. "Anything that is legally correct is of course allowed," she says. "But often erotic dreams, while very appealing in fantasy, are not so great in reality. If you want to make it happen, you should be prepared to be disappointed," says Schiftan. "For example, many men have the dream of a threesome. But as soon as they start planning how to make it happen, they realize that it doesn't feel as good as it did in their fantasies," says the expert. A lot of things should just be allowed to stay in your head.
How can I have more sex dreams?
There is one way you can experience sex dreams more often. For this you must stimulate your mind to sexual creativity: "Allow yourself exciting daydreams. Imagine sex with strangers in exciting places. Fantasize twice as often as you watch porn. Because it doesn't stimulate your mind the way a fantasy does, which stimulates your imagination", says Schiftan. These are the 5 biggest porn lies.
Conclusion: Enjoy your dreams!
Even though there is a possible meaning behind every dream, they are always just attempts at interpretation. Take dreams also sometimes only as an erotic excitement possibility of the mind and just enjoy that, instead of always looking for a possible explanation for a dream. Means: Be happy if your mind often gives you erotic fantasies in your sleep and don't worry about a possible meaning.
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